Parking Adventures

Working at an amusement park has its share of adventures. Like trying the find a parking space between 2-4 pm.



I pulled in to the lot, and it pretty much looked like this.... All the good spaces were taken. Not a single open one. When you make it to the end of this short stretch of road, you come to what I like to call "the point of no return". This is where you have to accept the fact that you are going to have to park somewhere annoyingly far up the huge hill and probably need rock climbing gear to get to car at the end of the night. The point of no return forces you to turn either left or right... Both suck equally. I went left. Because left is for bad asses. But to my unfortunate surprise, I started going up the hill and noticed that all the spaces were taken. I trekked to the top of the hill to find this...




Even the annoying spaces were full! I have never seen this before in my three years working for this place!




By this point I was getting legitimately angry because I had no idea where I was going to park my car. But then I found a road that went even further into the unknown. I went that way and after some distance I came across more employee parking that I never knew existed! But of course...




It too was full. I lost my mind at this point. I was overcome with irrational rage that I started screaming every curse word known to man at the top of my lungs...




WHAT THE FUCK HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE IS THIS EVEN LEGAL HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN BITCH CUNT FUCKING COCK IN MY ASS CUM SHIT PANDA FACE FUCK STRANGLING INFANTS WHILE FUCKING MYSELF WITH A SANDPAPER STICK FUCK THIS PLACE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And right after that happened I looked to my left and saw this.




Some biddy was walking in this abyss to the park and was right next to me and heard my entire rage! She just stood there with her jaw hanging widely open staring at me like I asked her to shit gold.




I stared back awkwardly at her mortified face and realized my windows were down... said "oh... Hi there" and drove off further into the abyss and eventually found a spot which took me 15 minutes to walk from. Why does this stuff happen to me?

This is the start of something beautiful

I thought since everyone is all into social media nowadays that I would finally make a blog about the weird stuff that is sitcom worthy that happens to me often. I have aptly named this...

                                                                       I'm such an artist, I know.














































Now that you are well acquainted with my family and my life, I can start by saying that my family is weird. And not weird in the normal sense of weird... Contradiction, I know. We all tend to get easily angry at one another only to laugh about it later, not to mention how passive aggressive my parents are, which is hilarious sometimes. Anyway, a few days ago I had to take my car in for an oil change and tire rotation.





*not actual picture
Since my dad thinks all appointments should be at the crack of dawn, I had to wake up early on my only day off and take my car to the dealership.





Once I got dressed, we left.





I entered the waiting room with a the television blaring Maury and had to sit between two biddies. I felt so out of place. I was the only person in the room with a penis and no wrinkles. It was literally full of all old women.



Everything was going normally until Maury ended and some talk show came on with like four middle aged women. And then the most awkward thing happened. The lady on the television said "senior citizens need to have more sex!" it pretty much looked like this...





They all started paying close attention to the television. Even the woman who was sleeping woke up to listen. It took everything in my power not to bust out in laughter. Is this real life? Does this happen to people normally? Talking about how elders need more sex while I'm sitting in a room full of them? It was about to become an estrogen ocean in there.



Luckily my car was done and I was able to leave. This is my life. A sitcom waiting to happen.